VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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