Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
