Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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