he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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