best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
