jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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