Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
