I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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