doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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