OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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