I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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