Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
