It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
