he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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