I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
