He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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