I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
