Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
