Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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