the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
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