on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
