Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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