guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
