got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We have so much sex to catch up on
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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