Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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