I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
