Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
