It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
