I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I need water and some morals
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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