Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
