i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
