Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
