Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
