they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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