Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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