I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
