I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
