Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
