Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
