Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
