took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
