So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Reggie can tackle my bush.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
