my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
