We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
