My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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