The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
