Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
