Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
