no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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