im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
