Princesses don't give blow jobs
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
