matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
