i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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