32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
