This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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