she was so not down for the gang bang
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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