Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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