This is not my ceiling
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize