Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
