paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
