Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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