My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
