some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
