I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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