I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
