I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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