The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
