sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
