I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
